Military humor

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Keith Holman
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Military humor

Post by Keith Holman » Fri Apr 28, 2006 1:47 pm

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys the Colonel says, "Yours is."
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, then told the airman to enter.

Then he said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a bordello!"

The Chief Master Sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a bordello smells like."
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.
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